


It was you (b - side)

by yssanne



Series: It was you [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, MCD (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:52:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yssanne/pseuds/yssanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's 'you're the one' moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was you (b - side)

The first time I realized depth of my love for you wasn’t anything special, anything you’d really want to tell later. It was a moment of weakness after all and you never liked those. I remember, we rolled into one of those many nameless town, dad decided we’d hang around for a while so he enrolled us in the local school.

It was a first day of classes, for us at least. As usual, I was walked to my class first (you never let me out of your sight even then), but almost ten minutes later I realized I packed your notebook in my backpack and forgot to give it to you. Teacher told me where your class was and let me go after I explained what happened, but as I walked behind the corner I saw you. Standing in front of the doors, hands clenched, knuckles white, tears dripping down your face. I saw you slightly shaking in that dad’s old jacket, still too big for you, trying to control yourself. I couldn’t force myself to step out and so I kept watching, seeing my invincible brother as human as possible. In that moment I wanted to burn the place down, to do anything to keep you from having to enter through that door.

Years later that image stayed with me. Soon you steadied yourself, pulled that cocky grin mask back on your face and went in. By the time the first day was over you had half of the girl swooning over you, other half lying they don’t and a completely exasperated teacher. When I asked how’d it go for you, you just laughed it off.

I could add a few more newer memories to my ‘Dean’s human’ collection, but I don’t want to. Those aren’t memories anyone would like to think about. There’s you tearing impala apart, grief for dad driving you to hurt what was precious to you both (as if she betrayed you). And then there’s you, calling out my name the way I never want to hear it again. Yes, I heard you. When you woke down there I heard you and that’s one thing I’ll never admit to you. It haunts me. Through all the blood highs and meaningless sex, games of mental domination and pretending I was giving in it haunts me.

I betrayed you. I’m sure of that as I’m sure of your name. If I’d stayed a bit more alert that night, if I took care of him instead of just temporarily putting him out of order, it wouldn’t come to this. When they came for you, (gods, Dean, when they came!) I saw that boy again, when I prayed I’d never have to see him again he came back in the most horrible way. And he, my humanity, was dragged away.

You know, every time when I needed strength I thought of him. When I was away, every time I got overwhelmed by things I thought back of that white knuckled boy trying to get enough courage to enter the class only to win it over in the matter of hours.

 Soon I think I’ll stop pretending, yet I won’t give in to them, they’ll give in to me. Boyking they want. Manking they would get. Soon. There are few things left to check, few demons I have to try break for information and possible chance of getting you out. I don’t care about your contract, we’ll figure out something, I just have to get you out. Maybe manking would be the best option after all, then I could just tear the damned thing and be done with it. I would have you back, one way or the other. After all, it’s just one more door to pass through.


End file.
